I'm so bored of life...?

Until very recently I hated life. I was so close to killing myself but I don't want to hurt my mother like I have done previously in my life. But now, I still take a strong dislike to it but not so much now. This could be a good thing I guess, but I don't enjoy it WHATSOEVER at all anymore.... I have no kind of feeling for anything... not so much sadness but no happiness. My mind and body are so numb. I have cut myself but blood sort of scares me and the fact it clots and ew. I'm so numb and if I ever feel anything its just sadness and anxiety. I can't talk to my "friends", I have them but they never talk to me unless I talk to them first.